Breastfeeding

When other mom's use to tell me they didn't breastfeed I secretly thought they were "awful mothers" who didn't "care about their baby's health or future". I would look down my nose on them for giving thier baby's formula, which clearly wasn't as good as breastmilk. I'd think about how selfish they were. They'd rather have a gassy, fussy, baby with a poor immune system. They'd rather have free time to do other things besides sit around breastfeeding all day. Why didn't they want the bonding? The accomplishment? The nutrients and anti-bodies?! What's WRONG with them?!?...
Nothing...there's nothing wrong with not breastfeeding. Sometimes you can't. Sometimes you have to work and can't pump. Sometimes your baby won't latch on at all. Sometimes...you just don't have the energy. The more times I read stories about women having those issues, the more I understood about why some don't breastfeed. And with the more I read, I got scared. I was terrified from the very first second the nurse placed my baby in my arms and said "Are you ready?". She taught me nothing, said nothing, and left the room. There I was, alone in my room, trying to shove my enourmous flat nipple into my son's mouth. He looked up at me with squinty, slimy eyes asking to be fed. I pulled away, squeezed my nipple...nothing came out. Not even a drop of colostrom which has soaked my shirts in the previous weeks. I couldn't understand where the milk was? Why wasn't it flowing from my breast and nourishing my son by now? Why was I broken?
What was really happening was my milk hadn't come in. Finally the nurse came back in and I told her "I couldn't do it". She looked at me disappointed. She told me she'd give him some formula. I was ashamed. I couldn't even feed my own son. And now he'd have to be formula fed and all my plans are down the drain, and I'm a horrible mom, etc. When I got back to my room they took him away to get some "sun". I sat in my room with Dave and watched him make phone calls. I sat there baffled. What was I doing wrong? Where was my milk? I "Googled" breasfeeding and read website after website. What were these terms they were talking about?! How do I "let down", should I try pumping instead? Was my son now forever tainted with formula? What if he didn't like my milk comparitivley?! I was freaking out. This wasa huge deal to me.
When the next nurse came in she came bearing a small bottle of Emfamil newborn formula. I told her "I wanted to breastfeed him." She told me that'd "be ok", but left the bottle on my table before leaving the room. I thought " oh god, she dosent think I'll be able to do it either!". I smuggly took my breast out of my bra and without acting like I needed any help, once again tried to breastfeed my child. He wouldn't take it...He wouldn't latch on. Not even for a second. I held back tears. I fed him the bottle as my family re-entered the room to see if I was feeding him...the way I wanted to. It was embarassing. My mom re-assured me, "'your milk just hasn't come in! Give it time Megg." Everyone had thier own opinion of course. And I was too stubborn and embarassed to listen to anyone.
That morning came and went and so far my son had eaten at least 6 bottles, of formula of course. The nurses switched and with that change the new one brought my baby back from testing. He was so beautiful, and at least full. I was grateful formula existed and wondred why I had hated it? The nurse asked me if I'd "like to try breastfeeding again?". I nodded and she placed him in arms on top of the Boppy. I tried again...and failed. I could feel the tears welling up as the nurse left, promising to be "right back". She came back after 5 minutes or so. During those 5 minutes I mustered up all my courage and told my embarassment off. I asked her, "can you help me do this? I don't know what I'm doing." She had un understanding smile and said "don't worry, it isn't always easy and sometimes just doesn't happen." It was sobering, yet it was something I needed to grasp. It might not happen, AND that's OK. She helped me guide and gave me tips, till, like a lightbulb, had an idea. She left and when she came back she had a little plastic case. "This is a nipple shield, it goes over top...sometimes they like the pertuded nipple more." I put it on and guided my nipple towards his mouth. He rooted around and struggled a bit. Then finally....he latched on. He sucked and I was surprised that it didn't feel worse, it felt better. My son was breastfeeding. And continued until I had to stop him. I was delighted. I didn't care that it was in "my plans", or what was "best". I was delighted because he was content and full, and I provided it.
I continued to nurse and suppliment until Oliver was 2 weeks old. From then on he's been. strictly breastfed. He loves nursing and sometimes uses it to fall a sleep. He's gaining weight at a normal rate and is in the 40 percentile. I couldn't be more happy with breastfeeding. It's frustrating at times and not always easy or convienent. But it's what works for us, so that's all that matters.
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Our Top 5 Can't Live Withouts

Heres a list of all the things that make daily life as parents of an infant, liveable. They keep us sane, save the day, and most importantly keep our little boy happy.
(Links to where you can buy each product will be listed below the picture & paragraph)


Number 1.) Fisher Price Ocean Wonders Soothe & Glow Seahorse

This seahorse was purchased at Kohls with a gift card I got after having Ollie. Anytime I get a gift card, I spend the whole thing on him, on stuff he needs. As soon as I saw this on the shelf I knew I had to buy it then and put it away for Christmas. Christmas night he slept with it and has every night since. He loves having it right next to him in the co-sleeper while he drifts to sleep. We love it cause it has a light in it's belly, illuminating his little face while he sleeps. It plays soft music with bubbling noises in the backround. I can't imagine not falling a sleep to it now.

Ocean Wonders Soothe & Glow Seahorse




Number 2.) Bright Starts Links



These links may seem really simple and almost pointless, but they serve many purposes. Not only do they link to the carseat carrier, the swing, the stroller and the carseat handle, but they by them selves make the perfect teething toy. They fit so perfectly in Oliver's little hand and he loves mouthing on the diffrently colored links. When linked to a loop on a toy they can cannot to virtually anything you can imagine. Point being: their great.

Bright Starts Links




Number 3.) Boppy



I've never sat up and breastfed my son without the Boppy safetly secured under him and around my waist. I'm sure that seems spoiled sounding to those of you without one, but honestly I don't think I could breastfeed comfortably without it. If you plan on breastfeeding, I recommend having one in your posession. They may seem kinda pricey for a "pillow" but now that Ollie's older it serves even more uses. I use it to keep him sitting in my lap, laying down with it wrapped around him, and with him on his tummy facing out and holding his head up. It's a true miracle worker.

Boppy




Number 4.) Soothie Pacifier



When we brought Oliver home from the hospital he had already tasted the sweet joy of a "mippy", (me and mom have always called pacifiers mippy, call it what you may..binky, paci, etc.)and loved it, as I did till 3 years old. He had a Nuk one and seemed content. 3 days after brinGinger him home I was out shopping for him with a gift card I recieved. Along with the swaddle sacks I picked up was a free Soothie, already steralized. I thought I was ridiculous and too big for his face. He loved it. And still does. I find Dave and myself saying "where's soothie?!" at least 10 times a day. It's not glued to his mouth and he doesn't need it to sleep, but when he does need it...it's a LIFE SAVER. We bought around 10 after the first and hid them all around the house just "in case".

Soothie Pacifier




Number 5.) Fisher Price Ocean Wonders SpaceSaver Swing & Seat



For the first 2 weeks of life, this was our little mans bed. He slept so sound in it with the "Calming Vibrations" on and soft music on low. I was terrified of him not being within arms reach of me, so every night I'd place him in a swaddle and in the swing. It was easy and he loved it. It was hell getting him even into the co-sleeper from that. With it's rounded out bucket seat and cozy padded walls I don't blame him for being mad about leaving it. It's been so helpful in getting chores done while he sits peacefully or sleeps soundly. It creates the perfect little nook for him that only my lap and arms can out-do.

Fisher Price Ocean Wonders SpaceSaver Swing & Seat




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Daily Life

Ollie is 14 weeks today, hard to believe. I use to think right after Ollie was born that there was no way we've ever have a "schedule" again. But like with most things baby related it just took time. Now at 14 weeks, after some trial and error, I can safetly say, we have a schedule. Kinda. Of course it varies every so often, throwing us curveballs such as last minute doctors appointments, sparactic grocery shopping, and the ever so fun last minute Walmart shopping trip. Even our trips to the grandparents have begun to sing the same song. We get there, they hold him, we eat, go shopping, he sleeps, we eat again, he fusses, we leave. At least our daily schedule involves more stradegy, then uncertainty.


Everyday somewhere between 8-9am our little dude wakes us. We change him and play with him a bit, then I feed him breakfast, which is usually 30-40 minutes of boob. He usually falls a sleep for a good hour-hour and a half, while I sip coffee and watch awful morning public tv. When Oliver wakes up, usually his morning poop, he gets changed again, and put into clothes then gets "brunch". After about an hour or so of eating he takes a light nap while I eat lunch/fold laundry/ do whatever needs to be done. Our afternoons consist of more nursing, playtime, attempts at tummy time, chores, and another nap or 2, depending on what his night was like (he sleeps through the night once he actually GETS a sleep!). Dinner is always a mess. I start around 5-6, and by the time were ready to eat, Ollie is screaming and just unhappy. The only cure for that is more boob. Sometimes I'll nurse while eating, or wait till it's cold, I can't remember the last meal I ate *hot* without him screaming. After dinner we hangout with him and depending on if he had one the day before, he gets a bath. After the bath he goes into his night time diaper and sleep sack and gets nursed again. He'll fall sleep but wake at least 2-3 times before "bed" to nurse a little more. I'm guilty of letting him sleep on the bobby on my lap. He's never had a nap in his bassinet, but he does frequently sleep in his swing/seat throughout the day. Around 12 we take him into our room and put him to sleep in his co-sleeper. He usually wakes up at 4 or 5 am to be changed. I like our schedule, it's not perfect, but it works for us.


Our weekends are about the same as the weekdays. The only difference being is sometimes we travel out to my patents house in Lancaster. It's about an hour and a half away. Ollie sleeps the whole way there, which can mess up his sleep schedule if leaving time isn't planned right. Most of out time there is spent hanging around the house or going to the local Amish markets nearby. It's really cool they live so close to one of the best grocery stores and smorgasbords in PA, Shady Maple. We went there right before Christmas for breakfast and it was INCREDIBLE. I ate at least 8 turkey sausages stuffed with cheese...and I'm not ashamed to say it. The grocery store is also like nothing I've ever seen. They have over 300 different hot items you can take home, not to mention an enormous spice section and a bakery with every pie/cake/muffin you can imagine. If you're ever in Lancaster,PA I highly recommend going there!


Cilantro and walnut "pesto" crusted pork medalions with red wine reduction, maple and sugar baked yams with romano, and ceaser salad with dried cranberries.


Coconut curry chicken with sweet potatos and cranberries, over jasmine rice.

We love food. Even more so "ethnic" foods of all types. I've always loved cooking and baking but just recently got in to cooking Indian, Thai, Mexican, Japanese and Korean food. I can't get enough of it. I still cook tons of "American" based dishes too, just the another night we had Tuna noodle casserole...not my first choice. I like doing fushions as well, even if they don't always really "fuze" together. You may thinking "wait you have a 3 month old baby, how do you have time to cook like that?!", well I'll tell you...PLANNING HOURS AHEAD. Sometimes days. I plan the meal, thaw what I need, and throughout the day come up with how to cook it and what to pair it with. But trust me when I say, I totally have those days where I'm like "make yourself a sandwich babe, I'm not cooking.". Some days just get the best of your free time to even cook some mac n cheese.



Ollie's obsessed with these rings his Aunt Aubrie got him. They go straight in his mouth every time he gets one in his hand. I can't believe how good he is at holding his head up already. He amazes me more and more everyday.
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Backstory

Last night was horrible. Today...was better. Last night Ollie refused to go to sleep at first, then passed out in my arms. Thev I woke up with him in my arms at 2:30am with the lights on, and Dave was passed out cold. So I woke Dave up to put him in the bassinet and of course he woke up and didn't want to be in the co-sleeper...only my arms. Can't lie and say I don't love holding my little guy to sleep.



Maybe I should give you guys a back story on Ollie thus far. He's 3 months and 4 days or 13 1/2 weeks. Born he was 8lbs, 21in even. Now he's 12lbs, 27 inches. He's exclusively breastfeed, but the first 2 weeks he was supplmented due to latch on problems, milk delay, and me being scared. I LOVE breastfeeding, it has been amazing. Not perfect by far though, I have to use a nipple shield everytime, which sucks. He won't take the nipple without it. Were co-sleepers, not completely by choice. For the first 3 weeks home he slept in his swing/seat in a swaddle. He hates to be swaddled, hates open spaces and the newborn body contour....so our bassinet sits un-used. I will admit I also have an EXTREME fear of SIDS and choking and anything else my little mind will scare me into thinking will happen. So we went out and bought the Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper. From the beginning of November to Thanksgiving. Then when were at my parents, his first trip away, he freaaakkeedd out, refused to sleep in it and ended up in my arms. I gave in for a month, for our sanity and sleep. But since Christmas I've been trying EVERY night to get him to sleep in it. There's been progress, but some nights like last, he'll regress.


He's been playing and rolling so much more. And he's been trying to talk and blow raspberries. He has a few games he'll play with us and things we can say or sing that make him squeal. His smiles are the best. I can see two little teeth nubs on his bottom row of gums. If he's teething it would explain the constant fist eating and drooling. I'm hoping tonight will bring more sleep! Wish us luck...